3 Steps to Take Your Teen from 'Survival Mode' to Flourishing at School
Apr 04, 2026
This blog was written by special guest Katie Bertie. You can learn more about Katie and her free Guide to Take Your ADHD or Dyslexic Teen from Struggling to Flourishing in 21 Days below!
Dear Parents,
Will, at 14, started bringing a knife to school.
I’d been hired to help him with his dyslexia, but when I started working with him, I didn’t start by drilling him in spelling, or attempt to persuade him that he really, truly would enjoy Harry Potter if he just gave it a go….
I started by asking him about the knife. What, really, was going on there?
Turns out it wasn’t what school suggested (showing off) or parents assumed (a phase). It was that his difficulties with English were making him vulnerable, even weak, and he felt he needed some method of defending himself. So we got to work on his English.
Flash forward a few years and Will is heading off to a great university to study a subject he truly loves. He won’t be bringing a knife to lectures. He doesn’t need it now.
Will went from just about surviving at school to flourishing when his parents followed these three steps:
Step 1: Listen to your teen
Whenever I work with a new student, the first thing I do is listen. Without prejudice. Without assumptions. Without offering solutions.
It’s easy for me to do because they’re not my child (and because I’ve been doing this for years). It’s harder, much harder, for the parents to do, but when they do (and it can be taught), magic happens.
When you are able to listen to your child, suddenly you are able to give them what they need.
Because often it’s not quite what you think.
We can’t help it - we make assumptions based on our own experience.
But when we can listen to what our child is experiencing, what they fear, what they hope for - and we can do it without judging, without offering ‘advice’ and without jumping in to ‘fix things’ - we allow them to lead us. Finally, we get a map we can follow.
Step 2: Teach your teen that they are not the problem
For Will, as for many students who have ADHD or dyslexia, the feelings of vulnerability that were leading him to feel physically terrified, came from a belief that he needed to hide his differences.
Nobody had told him to pretend he was ‘normal’. Nobody needed to. Who wants to stand out in a classroom by being the one kid to use a laptop, or have to leave the room so they can dictate an essay?
Those accommodations that were put in place to support him? They just became ‘proof’ to him that he was ‘dumb’. Teaching Will about his neurodivergent brain and how to ‘accommodate’ - not ‘fix’ it - was a game changer, transforming both his confidence and his willingness to accept the help he needed. Once Will stopped seeing his brain as broken, everything else became possible.
By openly discussing your teen’s neurodivergence and by educating your teen about their brain and how it develops, you can transform how they perceive themselves. Ultimately, your teen will need to advocate for themselves, and the first step on that path is to understand how their brain works - and how that might be different from the ‘norm’.
Step 3: Get the teachers on your teen’s side
This is the final piece in the puzzle. By sharing what you've noticed at home - what helps your teen and what doesn't - teachers can adapt their lessons to accommodate your teen's needs. Conversations with schools about neurodivergent needs can feel daunting, but they don't have to be. The key is to come as a partner, not a problem: you have information the school needs, and they have resources your teen isn't yet accessing. When Will's mum brought that spirit to his school, his teachers stopped seeing a disruptive kid and started seeing a student they could actually help.
WIll’s story is not unusual. I have helped hundreds of teens with ADHD or dyslexia overcome the same difficulties that Will faced and just like Will, the outcome can be wonderful.
If you’d like to know more about how to help your teen move from struggle and ‘survival mode' into flourishing and enjoying school and life beyond school, download my free guide: Take Your ADHD or Dyslexic Teen from Struggling to Flourishing in 21 Days!
This short guide walks you through three simple weekly steps to help your neurodivergent teen move from struggling to flourishing. Each step comes with a quick practical tip you can try straight away.
Your Love Matters,
Katie Bertie
Katie Bertie is a specialist teacher of neurodivergent children and teens, Oxford-educated and Orton-Gillingham trained, with years of classroom experience and a particular focus on supporting young people who think and learn differently.
Through her tutoring programme Writing Revolutionaries, Katie works with neurodivergent and underperforming teens to improve their academic English using structured, explicit teaching methods that work with the brain, not against it.
Alongside her academic work, Katie supports parents navigating the emotional and practical challenges that come with raising a neurodivergent teenager in today’s education system, helping families move from overwhelmed and reactive to confident and connected.
Her approach is warm, neuroinclusive, and trauma-informed and built on the belief that your child's brain is not broken. The system just wasn't built for them.
More from Ce Eshelman:
📖 Get your copy of Ce's new book: 20 Things Children from Difficult Beginnings Wish Friends and Family Knew
📖 Get your copy of Drowning with My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents
🔍 Check out my websites: LoveMattersParenting.com and AttachPlace.com
📣 Hear the Success Stories
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