Why Trauma Parents Don’t Need New Year Goals
Dec 29, 2025
Dear Parents,
Every January, parents create the same script for themselves.
Do better.
Try harder.
This is the year I am changing everything for the better.
...And of course you also have to go back to the gym, start eating better, and be more regulated.
If you’re parenting a child from difficult beginnings, that script feels impossible. That is because your life won’t reset at midnight. Your child’s nervous system won’t magically rewire. And the weight you carry won’t sluff off with last year’s calendar.
The New Year isn’t a fix-it ticket waiting to get paid.
It’s not a test of worthiness.
It’s not proof you succeeded or failed last year.
Happiness is strangely about alignment. What?
Parents raising children with trauma histories are often told, explicitly or implicitly, that they should be further along by now. But trauma recovery doesn’t move in straight lines. Healing happens in spirals, pauses, and regressions that are actually necessary to learn from experience.
When you try to outpace reality, your nervous system pushes back. It stops you in your tracks one way or another.
Stop Waiting for “After”
We often think joy comes after healing.
After regulation.
After behaviors improve.
But waiting for calm before allowing joy is how we guarantee that joy never shows up.
A life you love isn’t a reward for surviving trauma-impacted parenting.
Living a life you love is a regulatory necessity you can have right now.
Your nervous system—and your child’s—need moments of aliveness now, not someday off in the future when everything reaches that ever elusive “calm.”
This year doesn’t need better goals. It needs better questions. Questions that reduce shame instead of fueling it. Questions that invite alignment with what is instead of urgency to get there (wherever there is).
Not:
What should I fix?
But:
What supports the nervous system I actually have?
That’s where healing lives.
That’s where lives we love are lived.
Check out the full podcast at the links below!
Enjoy the beginning of your new year,
Ce
This week’s Unmuted Love podcast episode can be found at the links below:
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Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.
📖 Get your copy of Ce's new book: 20 Things Children from Difficult Beginnings Wish Friends and Family Knew
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