When Your Teen Is Two

Dear Parent,

The tantrums we see in early puberty are beyond hard to deal with. The best thing you can do is keep your fear at bay. This developmental stage occurs at a time when the neurochemistry of trauma collides with the biochemistry of hormones--perfect storm. Fear about our children's futures often causes us to over-react and go into fight, flight or freeze mode ourselves.

It isn't their fault that their language acquisition matures before their pre-frontal cortices. Rest assured they will likely get it under control before their first job.

In the meantime, be clear that abusing you with angry words, swearing, and threats is hurtful and unacceptable, and that they must learn how to manage their mouths.  

Is it okay for your child to be overwhelmingly scared and extremely angry, even if he doesn't know how to be appropriate with it?  If you can find a way to make it okay, then the outbursts will feel more like two-year-old tantrums (which is what they are) instead of cruel, hateful, mean-spirited assaults to your well-being.

Hang in there.  This too shall pass.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.