When My Kids’ Small Behaviors Felt So Personal
Sep 08, 2025
Dear Parent,
I’ll admit something that still stings: sometimes my children’s small missteps—lying about doing
a chore, rolling their eyes, giving me attitude, dropping a mean word—would ignite a firestorm
inside me that was wildly out of proportion to the thing I was upset about.
Sadly, I didn’t know this when my kids were small:
It wasn’t really about them.
It was about me.
If you have ever taken a peek at the beginning of my book, Drowning With My Hair On Fire,
you know my childhood was less than fabulous. Some of my childrens’ behavior lit up old,
somewhat hidden wounds I carried under the surface of my awareness—rage was my instant
reaction, and my behavior toward my children added to lingering childhood feelings of shame.
My kids’ minor mistakes became magnified through the lens of my unhealed pain. Instead of
seeing their behavior for what it was, children being children (albeit children with multiple daily
shenanigans), I was flooded with the echoes of my own negative early life experiences.
That’s called “narcissistic wounding” and here is what it does: it tricks us into reacting to ghosts
of the past rather than the child in front of us. My anger wasn’t about the lie or the sass; it was
about being unseen as a child and projecting that same experience onto my kids.
Here’s the hard truth: when we parent in a way that created our wound, our children end up
paying a price for something that isn’t theirs.
If this is bringing up some of your own feelings of shame, take care of yourself right now and
then take some action. When we know better, we do better. And when we try but find we can’t
seem to do better, we get help. Right?
Parenting children from difficult beginnings is already a rough path. Add in our own unresolved
hurts, and it’s like walking barefoot on hot asphalt. Still, every time we choose awareness over
reactivity, every time we soften instead of project, we lay down stepping-stones toward the safe,
loving connection we and our children deserve.
If you want to get some practical tools, tune in to the full podcast episode of Unmuted Love
with Ce Eshelman on this same topic, because healing your own wounds is the greatest gift you
can give to yourself and to your child.
Love Matters,
Ce
🎧 Listen to today's new Unmuted Love podcast episode!
📺 Watch on YouTube!
Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.
Want to overcome your child's destructive behavior? Follow this link to find out how you can join the Love Matters Parenting Society today: http://start.lovemattersparenting.com/guide
📖 Get your copy of Drowning with My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman
✨ Hear the Success Stories: LoveMattersParenting.com/testimonials
🎧 Listen to my podcast: Unmuted Love with Ce Eshelman at your favorite place to listen.
🔍 Check out my websites: LoveMattersParenting.com and AttachPlace.com
👉 Check out my Socials:
🔹YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CeEshelman
🔹 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovemattersparenting
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