When Cries for Love Look Like Misbehavior

communication complex developmental trauma therapeutic parenting Jul 31, 2025
A young boy covering his face and leaning into a stack in a library.

Dear Parent,

These are bids for connection, when your child needs loving, rocking, hugging and holding the most:

Breaking things

Running away

Never leaving your side

Arguing

Lying

Not getting up

Not going to bed

Tantrumming

Demanding

Misbehaving

Yelling

Crying

Biting

Hitting

Spitting

Urinating on you

Defecating in your living room

I saw this on Pinterest by Anonymous: The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving of ways. Can I get an Amen?

I once read an article about a Yale University study sporting the same old ABCs of behavior change with the major tenet being for us parents to "totally ignore the tantrum, but be effusive with our praise when our child behaves how we want them to." There is nothing new about that approach since B.F. Skinner introduced it in the forties and fifties. Obviously, Yale U wasn't researching our kids. 

When your child bids for your love, give it or the intensified negative behavior will get it from you anyway.

Love Matters,

❤️Ce

Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.

Want to overcome your child's destructive behavior? Follow this link to find out how you can join the Love Matters Parenting Society today: http://start.lovemattersparenting.com/guide

📖 Get your copy of Drowning with My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman

✨ Hear the Success Stories: LoveMattersParenting.com/testimonials

🎧 Listen to my podcast: Unmuted Love with Ce Eshelman at your favorite place to listen.

🔍 Check out my websites: LoveMattersParenting.com and AttachPlace.com

👉 Check out my Socials:

🔹YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@CeEshelman

🔹 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lovemattersparenting

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