We Do Not Own Our Children

Dear Parent,

We do not own our children.  They are on loan to us, until they grow to own themselves.  

Sometimes the fact that we change diapers, wipe noses, wash body parts, clean-up vomit, and dress them, over and over, gives us the idea that they belong to us. Sometimes, inadvertently, we take too much ownership over our children's bodies, space, and minds.  

What would it be like if your parents believed they owned you and they never let you have your own ideas or individuality?  It might mean you always had to agree with their point of view, you always had to make the choices they approved of, and you might not be loved if you deviated from the path they wanted for you.  What if they made you dress a certain way, act a certain way, believe a certain way?  How would you feel?  Who would you be?  How would you function?

To some degree parenting is like stewardship, isn’t it?  We shape our children into the people we want them to be.  But what happens when they begin to find their own thoughts, their own preferences, their own ways?  Do we pull them back, disapprove, threaten them when they go outside the family norms?

At some point, we parents need to respect our children and their taking more ownership of their own bodies, their own space, their own opinions, and their own life trajectories.  The only question is when and to what degree?

Something to consider:  You are a fabulous parent, so I know you will.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.