Transition To Adulthood Requires A Chill Pill

Dear Parent,

It is not okay to be abused by our adult children regardless of their difficult beginnings.  It is necessary to set limits and boundaries, which will help them grow into more responsible adults. For example, require rent or work in exchange for your financial support. If you allow them to work for your support, be sure to tell them how many hours a week you are requiring them to work. Supervise the quality and keep a record just like a job.

At eighteen our children are usually emotionally delayed—half their chronological age—so helping them step into adult responsibilities will not be any easier than it was when they were stepping into their teen responsibility.  Sometimes it works better to support them financially to live outside the home. This can be a chance for them to learn to be on their own, as you continue to hold the structure, i.e. paying rent, creating a budget, looking for work. They are still growing their pre-frontal cortices. Watch out for your expectations; they may need another adjustment.

Too little structure can unhinge an attachment challenged young adult. Too much structure can cause rebellion, just like it always did.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.