They Are Not Angry At You

Dear Parent,

Calling all parents of angry attachment challenged teens: Hang-in, hang-on, don't give up! They really aren't angry at you.  They are, however, sharply wounded and have erroneously claimed their victimhood.  This error can wreak havoc unless concentrated efforts are made to work on their insides.  You may need help from a therapist to do this. Find one that understands the underbelly of abandoned children and can move them beyond the surface anger at you into the root of their subterranean pain.

Under that anger is a hardwired attachment wound that cannot be repaired or healed without digging-in, excavating, feeling the pain, soothing the core, understanding the cause, changing the internal whispering demon dialogue, learning to care about the past/present/future, taking responsibility for hurtful behavior, making new choices, staking a claim, grieving the losses, letting go, forgiving, and finally accepting the challenge to live a different life with love and support from an attached family.

Challenged children are mad. It’s not about you.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.