The Grief Of It All

Dear Parent,

There is immeasurable grief involved in raising an attachment challenged, traumatized child. How can you survive, cope, and finally thrive in the face of so much grief?

There is also a high incidence of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in parents dealing with constant reactivity, fear, targeting, refusal, parental splitting, aggression, regression, rejection, hyper- activity, sensory defensiveness, chaos, lying, stealing, running away, and the unrelenting undercurrent of out-of-sync, emotional dysregulation in the entire family system.

As if that all weren’t painful enough, there is also the overwhelming guilt, shame and despair that goes with not being able to create a strong emotional bond with your child. We have to stomach and forgive our own desperate acts of unkindness, anger outbursts, catatonic fits of depression, lack of empathy, painful regret, and ultimate adoption remorse that plagues us to the core.

Some of these things can only be truly understood by another adoptive parent of attachment challenged, traumatized children. I am glad you are here and I hope you reach out to find a place of hope in your extended family and friend circle, city or town, on-line, or in a group you start. You need support.  Bottom line--don't stop until you get it.

I say this as a little offering of hope:  my own painful grief, through grace, hard work, determination, anti-depressants, experimentation, alternative therapies, clean eating, supportive professionals, and being loved by friends and family has been replaced by acceptance and compassion.  I am so thankful for that transformation.  My life depended on it.  Yours might, too. It will come.  

Everything you are working toward will show up in your child down the road. Have faith.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.