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Tantrum Avoidance

May 15, 2023

Dear Parent,

Our children need coaching to listen to their hearts for what is true for them.  It is really rather simple, though it takes time.

Child:  What should I get?  What are you having Mommy?  What is Sissy getting? I want a milkshake. A chocolate milkshake.  Can I have a milkshake?

Parent: What would you like to eat off of the kid's menu right here? They have hot dogs, hamburgers, and grilled cheese sandwiches?  

Child: I want a milkshake!

Parent: I hear you, honey, that does sound yummy, and I am asking you what from this menu you want to eat. Take a deep breath. Breathe. Nice. Now see what your mouth and your tummy would like to eat for food right now.

Child: I want a milkshake and a hamburger with cheese and pickles and French fries!

Parent:  Yum, you did a great job deciding what to eat for lunch—cheeseburger with pickles and French fries. Let's get it ordered. I'm super-dooper hungry.

Child: And milkshake!

Parent:  That’s not on the kid’s menu today.  Hmmm, I see it is on the adult menu though. Tell you what, I will get us one to share.

Child:  Yay!!!!  

Not that I need to tell you, but this is how it can sound:

Child:  What should I get?  What are you having Mommy?  What is Sissy getting? I want a milkshake. A chocolate milkshake. Can I have a milkshake?

Parent:  No, you can't have a chocolate milkshake.  And don't ask again. You can have a hot dog or hamburger.  Choose. Which do you want?

Child:  I want a milkshake!

Parent:  Fine, I'll order for you. You are going to have a hot dog and milk.

Child:  NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!    Tantrum...

Sometimes giving two choices is really an adult power play.  Kids feel that and react. 

You get to decide which approach makes sense in each moment.  There is no right answer.

Love matters,


P.S. Are you pulling your hair out trying to figure out the best way to parent your child from difficult beginnings? Get some real support here: The Love Matters Parenting Society. Honestly, you probably need this.


P.S.S. You can also grab a copy of Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by yours truly. Parents really appreciate this bite-sized, inspiration.


P.S.S.S.S.S. If you are looking for a quick, pick-me-up gift for yourself or someone you love with love all over it, visit our store made just for parents like you: Love Matters Swag Store.


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