Why Not Take the Pain Out of the Waiting this Holiday?

I wrote about this last year in a blog post, and, by golly, I can’t find it, so time to write my thoughts out again...

Holiday Anticipation Anxiety is REAL!

Holidays or celebrations with presents are all about the putting off until later, the waiting, the anticipation of the big day when, finally, one can have the thing they have been nearly busting over. Literally, outbursting over.

Our children with different brains often find this “wait until the big day” intolerable. So, maybe we can do some things to make it all just a little bit less of an “outside the window of tolerance” experience. 

If there will be presents involved, don’t wrap them and put them out for the children to see early. That visual reminder will lead to some of the worst anticipation anxiety shenanigans you have ever seen. You can imagine, right? You have lived it before, right? You don’t need to do it again that way, right? Instead buy presents at the last minute or hide the presents extremely well (which is nearly impossible if you have kids like mine) or take them to a friend’s or relative’s house for safe keeping literally until the last moment.

You can give your kids a little power over it all. For example, let them open the advent calendar when they want to with the caveat that when it’s all opened that’s the end of the little surprises. Or you might say, you have 5 presents. How would you like to get them? One a day leading up to the event? Or all now, knowing there will be nothing there when the big day arrives? Wait until the day?

Reconsider the erroneous notion that it is better parenting when your children are forced to wait for their gifts. You might be thinking it will teach them a valuable delayed gratification skill. No, no it won’t. Delaying gratification is a skill that comes with maturation. Forcing it only teaches them that they can’t stand the feeling. The things that are supposed to be fun become dysregulation nightmares and all the joy is drained out for the kids and for you, frankly.

Have you ever thought that you could show a child the presents, then wrap them? This will take one part of the anticipation anxiety out: the obsessive wondering if I am getting “What I want? Is it just right? Will I like it? “

Since holidays are hard already, why not take some of the “anticipation hard” out? This inability to manage impulsive desire is a season that lasts, well, a good long time in childhood, but it will go away when their maturity suddenly shows up. 

Give the kids and you a break this season. Accommodate immature brains by taking the “wait time” out, and for everyone’s sake, let the gift giving holidays and celebrations actually be delightful.

Love Matters,

️Ce

Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.