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Stuck On Survival

Dec 16, 2020

Dear Parent,

I often help parents see that they sometimes misinterpret their attachment challenged child's motives for behavior.

Here are some things they and you may think:

My child doesn't value anything she has because she doesn't care when I take her stuff away.

My child isn't scared of anything, so I have to be a drill sergeant and put the fear of God into her.

My child doesn't love me, because she doesn't even refer to me as her mother or think of me before she does anything.

It is an innate human drive to attach, love, and be loved.  However, when there is a loss of attachment compounded by maltreatment, survival instincts are elevated and the response to fear is fight, flight or freeze.  

If your child comes from difficult beginnings it is likely that he is tantrumming, not caring, not responding, or rejecting because of a fight, flight or freeze survival/trauma reaction.

The most accurate interpretation of almost all persistent, negative, confusing behavior is that our kids are stuck on surviving, which makes them seem uncaring about anything beyond themselves.  They care about everything, just not more than their own survival.

When you think the worst, take a “do over” until you can see clearly.

Love matters,

Ce

 

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.

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