Shame, Shame, Shame (Part 2 of 2)

Dear Parent,

SHAME—I know it is uncomfortable that I’m putting it out here so nakedly. It is not popular to talk about the intentional and unintentional use of fear and shame in parenting.

For some reason, this is really up in my throat. Can our attachment challenged children learn to be loving, respectful and responsible adults without purposefully causing them to suffer in childhood with shame for their lack of ability to control their urges and survival needs? 

The attachment literature is clear. There is no place for parent invoked fear or shame in a child's life. Many of us who parent attachment challenged children BELIEVE things about putting the fear of God into our children and that they SHOULD feel ashamed of themselves. 

Let's pull those beliefs out of the shame closet, so they can get dusted off, see the light of day, get some fresh air, and receive a little safe exposure to new ideas about how human brain development--attached, detached, delayed, and/or damaged--is the master of behavior.

Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it. And it cannot leave you.  --Eckhart Tolle

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.