See The Child Standing Before You

Dear Parent,

When my son was seventeen, I can specifically remember a day that our morning routine didn’t go well, I came home from work to find he had cleaned his room as good as it gets.  

He was beaming, “Did you see I did my chores, Mom?”

He was not emotionally seventeen. For his birthday that year, I remember wanting to give him the gift of seeing him as he IS instead of how I want him to be.  He wanted a new computer game.

Like you do with your child, I wanted him to be seventeen, thinking about college or at least a date, excited about learning to drive, getting a first job, planning to leave home. That is not who he was. 

I had already grieved this.  Perhaps I needed to grieve it some more. Maybe I simply needed to accept.  Yes, I needed to accept him.  That is what love is--accepting a person for who they really are and not demanding that they become who you want them to be. 

That is so grown up. I still wonder when I will get that grown up and act my age. I hope I can find the grace to see him through grown up eyes.

My son was, and still is, a loving, funny, engaging, good-natured boy who has difficulty managing his own life. He loves animals, reading Japanese anime books, making computerized music, and playing Pokémon video games. He loves his family most of all.

How sweet is that for an attachment challenged boy from severely abusive and neglectful beginnings?

Acceptance is love.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.