Regulate Or Regret

Dear Parent,

When my son was 16 years old, I remember a day where I completely lost my temper with him. I hadn't had an unreasonable outburst like that in a long time. 

Questions I had to ask myself:

• What is going on with me?
  
• Why did I stop being a therapeutic parent?
• Am I getting enough Rest, Relaxation, Recreation, Respite, and Real engagement with friends and loved ones?
• Why was I so stressed that I went "zero to 60" in a heartbeat?
• Do I need to make an appointment with my therapist because I need help with what is happening inside me?
• Where did my perspective go?
• Have my expectations exceeded my child's current capability?
• Have I forgotten something important about how my child processes information?
• How am I making my child's life harder or easier, thereby making my life harder or easier?
• Do I have enough help?
• Am I being playful?
• Am I focusing on what is right or what is wrong?  

Whew, I scared my son and myself.  When he used to get scared or stressed, he couldn't think, speak, or do anything frighteningly well. Fear and hurt have always provoked my temper and unfortunately I am frighteningly articulate when that happens.  My angry words hurt as much as fists would.  

I realized that I had to forgive myself for my imperfection and hold myself to addressing the things I could change.  My son was not one of those things.  Every day, I continue to have to see my children for the life forces that they are, rather than an extension of me.  

My child has always needed my love and acceptance.  He didn't need my angry tantrum.  What does your child need?

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. To join a vibrant post-adoption parenting community, check out Love Matters Parenting Society. For an easy to read parent pick me up, get Ce's book, Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents. And, did you know Ce has a new podcast? Yep, you can subscribe to it here: Unmuted Love With Ce Eshelman.