Partner Tune-Up For The Holidays

holidays Nov 27, 2023

Dear Parent,

As parents in relationship with partners and spouses, it is important to keep our love lives tuned up. The holidays bring excitement, joy, family gatherings, and, let's face it, STRESS. Parenting children, especially attachment challenged children, during this time of year can be extra dramatic. There is nothing better than a well-oiled marriage/partnership to warm the heart, soothe the soul, and cool the heels of wild holidays. 

First, take another regulating breath. As a little experiment, choose one of the following actions to practice on your significant human for a day each week and see how it goes. If you are a single parent, try a loving action experiment on a friend. A little focused loving action can make the heart sing.

1. Make a daily investment in good will toward your partner or friend. Assume good will in every interaction. That sounds easy, but it might be the best holiday present when the tension gets high. 

2. Table long drawn-out conversations to solve problems during the holidays. You can always have a marathon session during January when there is nothing else to do. Oh, did I hear a collective groan? Consider taking a break from working things out.

3. Even if you don't feel especially joyful or loving or mellow, act as if you are. Often feeling follows behavior. Sometimes action before feeling helps. 

4. Hold your tongue. If you have poked fun or nagged at your partner in the past and it wasn't that funny or effective, take a break. It won't be funny or effective now. 

5. Take care of your sweetheart and take care of yourself. This is not an oxymoron. It is a challenge. I dare you.

6. Go ahead and take care of something you have been asking your partner to do. Do it yourself. Or if you have the means hire a carpenter or housekeeper or babysitter or car mechanic. Make it happen and save the anger and frustration for something that really matters.  

7. Take a look in the mirror. Yes, you are beautiful. Accept yourself. It will make accepting your partner and children so much easier. We are all perfect and flawed. Isn't that amazing and wonderful?

8. Practice understanding and empathy for your partner, your children, your in-laws, your neighbors, your politicians, and yourself. As The Dalai Lama has said, "If you want to be happy, be compassionate. If you want others to be happy, be compassionate."

Remember, I am suggesting an experiment with a time limit. Notice how it goes. Maybe try another one tomorrow. Don't tell a soul that you are conducting this experiment. It's between you and your higher, spiritual self (and maybe a notebook). You might fall in love all over again.

Keep your love life alive.

Love matters,



P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.

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