Narcissistic Wounding

Dear Parent,

I don't want to go all Freudian on you, but the rage that you encounter in your children (and sometimes inside yourself) where you want to scream something that will cut your partner, child, best friend to the core over some little slight; the one that overtakes your children and turns them into flailing, spewing, rage machines--that kind of rage, is called narcissistic rage from wounding in the early developmental years when there was a parenting failure and the child is left feeling both wrathfully bad about him or herself and also angry at the person who failed him/her. That was a long sentence. Read it again.

Our children often have this kind of rage because most of them were failed in the early years. You may also have it because you were failed in your early years, too.  That combo makes for a home like a hot tamale, where children feel hatefully bad about themselves, and simultaneously, overwhelming anger at their parents; and you experience the same thing in return. It’s a Ping-Pong match.

If your home is a hot tamale, get some help for your family. Seriously, you cannot resolve things on your own.  Trust me on this. You need your own heart repaired before you can revive the heart of your child.

If you cannot swim, don’t jump into the deep end to save someone else. You both drown.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.