Narcissistic Wounding
Dec 20, 2020
Dear Parent,
I don't want to go all Freudian on you, but the rage that you encounter in your children (and sometimes inside yourself) where you want to scream something that will cut your partner, child, best friend to the core over some little slight; the one that overtakes your children and turns them into flailing, spewing, rage machines--that kind of rage, is called narcissistic rage from wounding in the early developmental years when there was a parenting failure and the child is left feeling both wrathfully bad about him or herself and also angry at the person who failed him/her. That was a long sentence. Read it again.
Our children often have this kind of rage because most of them were failed in the early years. You may also have it because you were failed in your early years, too. That combo makes for a home like a hot tamale, where children feel hatefully bad about themselves, and simultaneously, overwhelming anger at their parents; and you experience the same thing in return. It’s a Ping-Pong match.
If your home is a hot tamale, get some help for your family. Seriously, you cannot resolve things on your own. Trust me on this. You need your own heart repaired before you can revive the heart of your child.
If you cannot swim, don’t jump into the deep end to save someone else. You both drown.
Love matters,
Ce
P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.
Stay connected with news and updates!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
Categories
- All Categories
- 4 quick tips
- acceptance
- adopted child grief
- adoption grief
- after-effects of trauma
- anger
- angry feelings are okay
- angry teen
- angst
- animals
- anticipation
- anxiety
- apologies and connection
- attachment
- attachment growth
- attachment healing
- attachment repair
- attunement
- authoritarian
- authority
- back to school
- badgering
- bedtime
- behavior
- behavioral change
- blame
- blog
- body awareness
- body wisdom practices
- boundaries
- breaking cycles
- breaking habits
- breaking things
- breath
- breathe
- breathing exercise
- building trust
- burnout
- calm
- calming strategies
- charity of spirit
- cheat sheet
- child entitlement
- child grief
- child stress
- childhood trauma
- choices
- christmas
- co-regulation
- coaching
- cognitive delay
- communication
- community
- compassion
- complex developmental trauma
- compromise
- conflict coaching
- connection
- consequences
- correction
- couch parenting
- courage
- creating family meaning
- creative learning
- critical thinking skills
- crying teens with complex trauma
- dads and enemy nurturer
- defiance and anxiety
- delayed development
- delayed gratification
- depression
- discipline
- dissociation
- distraction
- dog-tired
- dysregulation
- emotional presence
- emotional regulation
- emotional skill building
- empathy
- empathy development
- encouragement
- engagement
- enmeshment
- entitlement vs dysregulation
- executive function
- experiential healing
- extended family and friend advice
- extrapolation
- eye contact
- facts vs. feelings
- family advice
- family togetherness
- fear
- feelings
- felt safety
- first thing in the morning
- fun together
- funny
- generational trauma
- gentleness
- gift of validation
- gratitude
- grief
- guest
- guilt
- halloween
- hanukkah
- heal
- healing complex trauma
- healing grief
- healing relationship
- healing through play
- healing together
- healthy touch
- hidden grief
- hoarding
- holiday
- holiday advice
- holiday expectations for neurodiverse children
- holiday pressure
- holiday season
- holiday sensory overload
- holiday shopping tips the peaceful way
- holiday triggers
- holidays
- home alone
- hope
- hopeless
- how-to
- humor
- hypervigilance
- impatience
- interoception
- jokes
- joy
- joy and regulation
- joy and trauma
- kids are people
- kids feelings
- kwanzaa
- lagging skills
- laughter
- layne burkett
- leaving traumatized children home alone
- lies
- listen
- logical consequences
- love
- love as therapy
- love matters parenting society
- love under stress
- loving connection
- low and slow
- lying
- magic question
- meditation
- meltdowns
- memory
- mindfulness
- motivation
- narcissistic wounding
- narrow bandwidths
- national adoption month
- negative feedback loops
- negative reinforcement
- nervous system alignment
- nervous system burnout
- nervous system dysregulation
- nervous system movement tools
- nervous system overload
- nervous system regulation
- nervous system repair
- nervous system safety
- neuro-hacks
- neurochemicals
- neurochemistry
- neurodivergent children
- neurodiversity
- neuropathways
- neuroplasticity
- neuroscience
- new year goals
- new year pressure
- new years eve
- no bad kids
- no fear
- nothing seems to work
- nothing works
- numbness
- nurture
- over-explaining
- overcome
- oxytocin
- oxytocin for teens and parents
- pace
- panic
- parent shame
- parental dysregulation
- parenting
- parenting adopted children
- parenting multiple children
- parenting power
- parenting teenagers from difficult beginnings
- parenting teens
- parenting through play
- parenting tired kids
- parenting traumatized children
- parenting young adult
- patience
- patience in parenting
- patreon
- perception
- perfection and parenting
- pets
- physical activity
- play
- playful parenting
- please try again
- podcast episode
- polyvagal theory
- positive feedback loops
- powerless
- practical steps for parent regulation
- praise
- primal emotion
- punishment
- rage
- reactive attachment disorder
- recover joy
- redo
- referee vs coach parenting
- regulated relationships
- regulation
- regulation routine
- relational healing
- relationship
- repair
- repair and connection
- restorative justice
- reward
- rewiring the brain
- rupture and repair
- saying no
- school
- science-backed tips
- screens
- secure attachment
- security
- self esteem
- self reflection
- self worth
- self-aware parenting
- self-care
- self-centered
- self-compassion
- self-directed living
- self-hate
- self-regulation
- selfish
- sensory issues
- set the tone
- shame
- share the power
- sheryl ang
- sibling conflict
- silence
- silly
- slow steady progress
- small acts of love
- social media
- somatic safety
- special needs
- stay sane
- staying steady
- stealing
- stories
- stress
- stress relief
- summer stress
- summer tips
- survival
- survival mode
- swearing
- tantrums
- tantrums and meltdowns
- teaching through example
- technology
- teen
- teen anxiety
- teen issues
- teen with complex trauma
- teenager
- thanksgiving
- the gift
- the truth about angry teen
- therapeutic parenting
- therapeutic power
- thoughts and feelings
- too stupid to live
- toxic stress
- transition into adulthood
- trauma and teenagers
- trauma brain
- trauma impacted teens
- trauma informed parenting
- trauma parent boundaries
- trauma recovery parenting
- trauma touched children
- trauma triggers
- trauma-informed parenting
- trauma-informed relationship
- traumatized children home alone
- trick or treat candy
- trust
- truth
- unmuted love
- valentine's day
- validate
- vip parent
- waiting
- watch your tone
- what is dissociation
- when nothing seems to work
- whisper
- wind
- wind of hope
- winter break dysregulation
- winter solstice
- wisdom for adoptive parents
- worldschooling
- wrong side of the bed
- yelling
- you are not alone
- young adult children
- your gratitude matters
- yule