My Heart Was A Tortoise

Dear Parent,

I have an admission, not a confession, just a simple truth to share.  It took me years to feel anything close to what I had expected to feel toward my adopted children.  Oh, I immediately and wholeheartedly claimed my kids as family. They were my kids, hands down. No doubt about it--mine. My head was wrapped all around them, but my heart was a slow moving tortoise.  If anything, my tortoise was stopped on the side of the road with all extremities pulled in and shaking.

In retrospect, I can see that the stress of the situation was overwhelming.  I wasn't prepared for the level of emotional upheaval these little people had brought into my perfect life.  Yes, I went to the County trainings on something parenting related.  But I was so excited about adopting children, I didn't hear much, or there wasn't much to hear, or what I heard didn't apply to the insanity I ended up experiencing.  I am not really sure at this point.

With that level of stress emotional bonding in adoption is delayed.  When one's brain is in survival mode, the soothing rise of attachment and bonding hormones and neurochemicals necessary to feel love are in a state of suspended animation.  Over time, with support, better information, and buckets of therapy, the stress receded and the tortoise finally arrived with love enough to see us through the rest of the hard times.  Before it happened, I thought it never would and felt a lot of shame about my tepid heart.  I didn't understand what was happening like I do now. I hope sharing this helps you, if you are finding yourself to be a tortoise pulled in on the side of the road.

Hang in there. Love will show up. And when it does, its brilliance will delight you. Prepare to be amazed.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.