Love And Logic Isn't Logical For Our Children

Dear Parent,

Many of our children experienced being scared to death before they came to us, so it is unlikely that you can find a consequence that tops that.  This is why consequences are not helpful for changing negative behaviors over the long haul. Obviously we can overpower them with angry emotion and harshness while they are little, but that will backfire. It most certainly will damage our relationship with them, as they age.

Often adoptive parents are given Love and Logic as a parenting handbook, which is a good book mostly useful for attached children.  It is not the best approach for healing the broken hearts of children from difficult beginnings who have had multiple assaults to their minds, bodies, and spirits.

Our children need to find their voices, gain felt safety, feel personally powerful, and learn how to give and receive.  That is all about parents connecting, connecting, connecting. 

Your children learn to love themselves by seeing love for them in your eyes.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.