Joy Is a Nervous System Skill
Jan 26, 2026
Dear Parents,
Some children treat joy like it’s a hot stove. My children really didn’t know how to play in the way I thought I knew children play. They broke things, pounded things, created stuff out of stuff, but never wanted a toy in its original condition. I didn’t understand that in the beginning. All I knew is that they weren’t that fun for me to play with.
A child might pull back. Get prickly. Roll eyes. Collapse into a puddle. Or flip from delight to fury in two seconds flat.
If you're parenting a child from a difficult beginning, you know exactly what I mean. Joy—true, embodied joy—can be the most threatening emotion in the room.
Parenting books don’t say that much about this:
Joy requires vulnerability. Vulnerability requires safety. Safety requires trust built over time, inside a nervous system that once had none.
This week on UnMuted Love, I sat down with Caroline Griswold, a brilliant parenting coach trained in Hand in Hand Parenting and RIE, to talk about how parents can keep reaching for joy even when their child can’t tolerate it yet.
Because yes—joy is a skill. A relational skill. A nervous-system skill. And trauma-touched kids didn’t get to learn it early on. We have to be present and teach it to them by doing it with them.
Sometimes this sounds like torture, I know, but it is the language of children that our children often didn’t learn.
Check out the full podcast at the links below.
Your Love Matters,
Ce
This week’s Unmuted Love podcast episode can be found at the links below:
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Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.
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