How to Calm Tantrums with the Love+ Pause Method
Feb 16, 2026
Dear Parents,
There’s a moment every parent knows too well.
Your child is on the floor losing their entire mind because the sandwich is cut diagonally instead of square, or the blue cup is somehow the wrong one or you dared—DARED—to say no to one more video. And suddenly you’re standing in your own kitchen feeling like you’ve just been deployed into active combat.
For parents of children from difficult beginnings, this is not “just a tantrum.”
This is a trauma-quake, a nervous system screaming, “I don’t feel safe.”
And if you’re honest, your own nervous system is right behind them shouting,
“Oh no. Not this again.”
Here’s what happens next for most of us:
We try to shut it down fast.
“Stop it.”
“You’re fine.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Use your words.”
And then it gets worse!
Why? Well, logic cannot land in a brain that is flooded with stress hormone--cortisol. That’s not how brains work.
Why logic fails (and always will).
Once your child tips into a meltdown, the thinking part of their brain goes offline.
The survival brain steps up and hits the gas.
For kids with trauma histories, their system is already tuned to detect danger at the slightest hint of overwhelm. Their body remembers things their mind cannot name.
So when we come in with correction or control, their nervous system hears:
“My feelings are too much. I’m too much. I’m in danger.”
And they escalate accordingly.
This is where most parenting strategies collapse.
But this is exactly where co-regulation takes center stage.
Co-regulation Is the Answer. Learn the Love+ Pause Method.
Children borrow their sense of safety from us.
If we go high, they go higher.
If we go low and slow, their system eventually matches ours.
Listen to this week’s episode of UnMuted Love to learn the Love+ Pause steps.
And subscribe to the VIP Parent program at Patreon.com/UnMutedLove to get the instant printable download--Love+ Pause Method—5 Steps in 60 Seconds to Calm a Tantrumming Child—for a reminder when your brain forgets.
Check out the full podcast at the links below.
Your Love Matters,
Ce
This week’s Unmuted Love podcast episode can be found at the links below:
🎧 Listen here!
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Become a VIP Parent for exclusive printables, worksheets & other resources:
http://www.patreon.com/unmutedlove
Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.
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