Handling Your Holiday Triggers & Judgy Family Members
Nov 25, 2025
Dear Parents,
The holidays are supposed to be magical. Sparkly. Wrapped in candles and joy. But are they?
When did that B.S. start being the norm? Oh, am I being too cynical? Okay, as long as I have been alive, it has been the cultural imprint. In America and other 1st world countries, seems like Hallmark infiltrated our dreams.
For many parents (including m), especially those raising children from trauma, adoption, foster care, abuse, or early attachment breaks, the holidays feel less like a Lifetime Movie and more like an emotional obstacle course with judgment-filled spectators.
Routines break down. Sleep implodes. Sensory overwhelm skyrockets.
Our nervous systems goes into full on freak out, and for a parent or a child wired for survival, that means:
- Meltdowns
- Rage
- Shutdowns
- Regressions
- Clinginess
- Avoidance
- Chaos that looks like “bad behavior” but is actually fight-flight-freeze-fawn. (I know everyone is wishing for Fawn, but that is not better for the fawning child in the long run.)
And right at the peak of emotional pressure comes the holiday extended-family commentary:
“You need to put your foot down.”
“You are being manipulated.”
“He needs a firmer hand… Definitely bigger consequences.”
“When we were kids, Mom never would’ve let us say that to her.”
Suddenly you’re triggered too.
Your nervous system is on fire. Your hands shake. Your throat tightens. And, the ugly things may leak out, but usually you stuff them and sometimes take it out on the kids later.
If you are familiar with the book by Mel Robbins “Let Them”, then you perhaps are deeply aware: You cannot control others.
You can’t make them understand your situation, your kids’ trauma, neuroscience, or love that looks relational rather than punitive.
But you can protect your peace of mind and your child from open criticism, hostility, mean comments, or subtle rejection.
The tool for the actual moment when you feel the explosion coming is:
STOP — DROP Your Agenda — BREATHE, which is originally from Peaceful Parenting and then Love Matters Parenting Society.
STOP your reaction.
DROP the agenda to move your children toward your goal.
BREATHE until you and your child’s brain returns to regulated.
Tell yourself:
“This is not an emergency.” It feels like one, but it isn’t.
What about stating some truths for your family:
- “We parent differently, and that’s okay.”
- “Please let me parent my kid.”
- “Please don’t speak to my child like that.” (Sometimes that needs to be said.)
- “We’re taking a break now.”
- “Mom, Sis, Grandpa, etc. I’m sorry, but I am not available for advice today.”
If they push:
“I don’t want to be rude, but we need to leave now. My kids need a break. Thank you so much for inviting us. Happy Thanksgiving.”
That’s not rude.
That’s self-awareness, family awareness, and self-protection.
That’s generational cycle-breaking happening in real time.
What if the goal this season is simply regulation?
None of us needs Instagram holidays really. We do need the feeling of what that fantasy gives us—safe, peaceful moments.
That is enough.
More than enough.
That is delightful for all involved.
Your Love Matters,
Ce
This week’s Unmuted Love podcast episode can be found at the links below:
🎧 Listen here!
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Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.
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