Food Freaks Or Food Fears

Dear Parent,

If your child had maltreatment in her history where intermittently or chronically there wasn't enough food to eat, then you may be experiencing food issues galore, i.e. hoarding, gorging, eating only a few foods or eating things not considered food.

These experiences can cause incredible stress in a family system:

•  Prowling around at night for things to eat
• Constant gorging on sweets
• Lack of nutrition from eating only chicken nuggets and fruit roll-ups
• Food hidden under the bed and in every nook and cranny
• Worry over rodent infestation
• Fear of poisoning from expired foods, trash can food, or toxic non-foods
• Concern about obesity or starvation
• Risk about stealing food from other kids and stores
• Threat of disease
• Loss of control over the household food supply and the child's food related behavior...

As always, I know you want me to tell you what works.  That is not so easy to do because everyone's food behavior is anchored in early childhood. Think about it. During my childhood my family never ate fish, except maybe tuna sandwiches. Consequently, I didn't start to eat fish until late in my 40's.  I didn't cook a fish in my own kitchen until I was 50.  No kidding. My propensity to ignore and even profess to dislike fish was bred in early childhood.

Our children’s problematic eating behaviors were born and bred in early childhood, too.  It will take quite a while to create a secure enough food situation in your home to change the eating propensities of your child.

What can you do? Bottom line: avoid deprivation.  Food is nurturing.  Food and love are intertwined. While you are building a relationship with your child, use positive food experience as a bridge.

•  I know the evils of sugar as well as anyone, but give sweets occasionally.
• Put some chocolate chips in the morning oatmeal.
• Sip hot chocolate with marshmallows together on Sunday evenings.
• Put a basket of food in your child's room for nighttime hunger. Your child may never eat a thing from that basket. Keep it there anyway because the security of it helps your child sleep and not fear getting hungry in the middle of the night.
• Recognize that hunger pangs can trigger panic, so put snacks in pockets for going outside to play.
• Give children more control over the timing of their eating.
• Have a milkshake with lunch once in awhile.
• Bake cookies or cupcakes together.
• Teach your child how to cook with you.
• Put heartfelt notes in the lunch bag.
• Draw shapes with pancake batter.
• Go grocery shopping together and develop interest for different kinds of foods on the shelves.
• Put odd concoctions together for tasting--ketchup on peanut butter sandwiches or grape jelly on ham sandwiches.
• Serve finger foods for dinner.
• Try dip with veggies instead of salad.
• Make pudding in small espresso cups for a little sweet.
• Bring warm sweetened fruit tea to your child when sick in bed.
• Invite your child to dinner with friends of yours.
• Take your child to dinner with their friends.
• Find favorite foods and make them often just for your child's pleasure.

Maybe this is obvious, but punishing food issues will not create a healthy relationship with food.
This is another heal thyself opportunity so that your own issues with food don’t get triggered by your child. 

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.