Fabulous You

Dear Parent,

You are a fabulous human.  How do I know?  I know because you are raising a child/children from difficult beginnings and spending every ounce of your life force doing it.  By definition, you are fabulous.  Bask in it.  You deserve a pat on the back, the adoration, two gold stars, great love, and the gentleness of positive self-regard.

I was probably thirty-five-years-old before I had an epiphany that it was okay to say these three mind boggling words: "I don't know." Thank goodness I found that humility in my 30s, because I adopted attachment challenged children in my 40s and I didn't have a clue what to do. My previous well-constructed life was suddenly turned upside down and I was stunned to find out just how much I didn't know.  

You might suspect that I am prone to hyperbole, but in this case I am not exaggerating. My children came home to me at two and three-years-old; within six months they were swinging from the proverbial chandeliers and I had no idea what to do. 

There was no shame in my not knowing, just as there is no shame in you not knowing. It is an imperative, however, that you get support from people who get you.  Other adoptive parents will.  Find a therapist with whom you can be real--"I feel like strangling him." That is a feeling, NOT child abuse.  Strangling him is child abuse. Wanting to strangle him is reality. Admit it, and it will set you free. Find someone to talk to who gets it.  You need that to find your way to being a safe, predictable, loving, and tenacious therapeutic parent.  

You can do this. You were made for it.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.