Everyone Has A Story

May 30, 2023

Dear Parent,

Our children have a story they tell themselves.  Do you know what your child's internal story is?  You might hear it leaking out in times of emotional upheaval:  Nobody likes me.  I never get what I want. It's too hard. I can't. I’m afraid of everything. You don't love me.  I don't love anybody.  I hate myself.  I hate everyone.  I can do it without anyone's help. I don't need you. I don't need love. I hate love. I hate you.

Having a coherent narrative is one of the keys to good mental health. Whenever you can, tell your children the stories you want them to tell themselves inside.  You don't need to make anything up.  Your child is precious, loved, planned, wanted, adored, valued, appreciated, and special.  Make sure you say these things all the time—at least 400 times to make one new neuropathway.  And I have a hunch it’s even more.

…400 repetitions to create one new neuropathway?  That must be why childhood lasts so long.

Love matters,



P.S. Are you pulling your hair out trying to figure out the best way to parent your child from difficult beginnings? Get some real support here: The Love Matters Parenting Society. Honestly, you probably need this.

P.S.S. You can also grab a copy of Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by yours truly. Parents really appreciate this bite-sized, inspiration.

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