Everyone Has A Story
May 30, 2023
Dear Parent,
Our children have a story they tell themselves. Do you know what your child's internal story is? You might hear it leaking out in times of emotional upheaval: Nobody likes me. I never get what I want. It's too hard. I can't. I’m afraid of everything. You don't love me. I don't love anybody. I hate myself. I hate everyone. I can do it without anyone's help. I don't need you. I don't need love. I hate love. I hate you.
Having a coherent narrative is one of the keys to good mental health. Whenever you can, tell your children the stories you want them to tell themselves inside. You don't need to make anything up. Your child is precious, loved, planned, wanted, adored, valued, appreciated, and special. Make sure you say these things all the time—at least 400 times to make one new neuropathway. And I have a hunch it’s even more.
…400 repetitions to create one new neuropathway? That must be why childhood lasts so long.
Love matters,
Ce
P.S. Are you pulling your hair out trying to figure out the best way to parent your child from difficult beginnings? Get some real support here: The Love Matters Parenting Society. Honestly, you probably need this.
P.S.S. You can also grab a copy of Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by yours truly. Parents really appreciate this bite-sized, inspiration.
Stay connected with news and updates!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
Categories
- All Categories
- 4 quick tips
- acceptance
- adopted child grief
- adoption grief
- after-effects of trauma
- anger
- angry feelings are okay
- angry teen
- angst
- animals
- anticipation
- anxiety
- apologies and connection
- attachment
- attachment growth
- attachment healing
- attachment repair
- attunement
- authoritarian
- authority
- back to school
- badgering
- bedtime
- behavior
- behavioral change
- blame
- blog
- body awareness
- body wisdom practices
- boundaries
- breaking cycles
- breaking habits
- breaking things
- breath
- breathe
- breathing exercise
- building trust
- burnout
- calm
- calming strategies
- charity of spirit
- cheat sheet
- child entitlement
- child grief
- child stress
- childhood trauma
- choices
- christmas
- co-regulation
- coaching
- cognitive delay
- communication
- community
- compassion
- complex developmental trauma
- compromise
- conflict coaching
- connection
- consequences
- correction
- couch parenting
- courage
- creating family meaning
- creative learning
- critical thinking skills
- crying teens with complex trauma
- dads and enemy nurturer
- defiance and anxiety
- delayed development
- delayed gratification
- depression
- discipline
- dissociation
- distraction
- dog-tired
- dysregulation
- emotional presence
- emotional regulation
- emotional skill building
- empathy
- empathy development
- encouragement
- engagement
- enmeshment
- entitlement vs dysregulation
- executive function
- experiential healing
- extended family and friend advice
- extrapolation
- eye contact
- facts vs. feelings
- family advice
- family togetherness
- fear
- feelings
- felt safety
- first thing in the morning
- fun together
- funny
- generational trauma
- gentleness
- gift of validation
- gratitude
- grief
- guest
- guilt
- halloween
- hanukkah
- heal
- healing complex trauma
- healing grief
- healing relationship
- healing through play
- healing together
- healthy touch
- hidden grief
- hoarding
- holiday
- holiday advice
- holiday expectations for neurodiverse children
- holiday pressure
- holiday season
- holiday sensory overload
- holiday shopping tips the peaceful way
- holiday triggers
- holidays
- home alone
- hope
- hopeless
- how-to
- humor
- hypervigilance
- impatience
- interoception
- jokes
- joy
- joy and regulation
- joy and trauma
- kids are people
- kids feelings
- kwanzaa
- lagging skills
- laughter
- layne burkett
- leaving traumatized children home alone
- lies
- listen
- logical consequences
- love
- love as therapy
- love matters parenting society
- love under stress
- loving connection
- low and slow
- lying
- magic question
- meditation
- meltdowns
- memory
- mindfulness
- motivation
- narcissistic wounding
- narrow bandwidths
- national adoption month
- negative feedback loops
- negative reinforcement
- nervous system alignment
- nervous system burnout
- nervous system dysregulation
- nervous system movement tools
- nervous system overload
- nervous system regulation
- nervous system repair
- nervous system safety
- neuro-hacks
- neurochemicals
- neurochemistry
- neurodivergent children
- neurodiversity
- neuropathways
- neuroplasticity
- neuroscience
- new year goals
- new year pressure
- new years eve
- no bad kids
- no fear
- nothing seems to work
- nothing works
- numbness
- nurture
- over-explaining
- overcome
- oxytocin
- oxytocin for teens and parents
- pace
- panic
- parent shame
- parental dysregulation
- parenting
- parenting adopted children
- parenting multiple children
- parenting power
- parenting teenagers from difficult beginnings
- parenting teens
- parenting through play
- parenting tired kids
- parenting traumatized children
- parenting young adult
- patience
- patience in parenting
- patreon
- perception
- perfection and parenting
- pets
- physical activity
- play
- playful parenting
- please try again
- podcast episode
- polyvagal theory
- positive feedback loops
- powerless
- practical steps for parent regulation
- praise
- primal emotion
- punishment
- rage
- reactive attachment disorder
- recover joy
- redo
- referee vs coach parenting
- regulated relationships
- regulation
- regulation routine
- relational healing
- relationship
- repair
- repair and connection
- restorative justice
- reward
- rewiring the brain
- rupture and repair
- saying no
- school
- science-backed tips
- screens
- secure attachment
- security
- self esteem
- self reflection
- self worth
- self-aware parenting
- self-care
- self-centered
- self-compassion
- self-directed living
- self-hate
- self-regulation
- selfish
- sensory issues
- set the tone
- shame
- share the power
- sheryl ang
- sibling conflict
- silence
- silly
- slow steady progress
- small acts of love
- social media
- somatic safety
- special needs
- stay sane
- staying steady
- stealing
- stories
- stress
- stress relief
- summer stress
- summer tips
- survival
- survival mode
- swearing
- tantrums
- tantrums and meltdowns
- teaching through example
- technology
- teen
- teen anxiety
- teen issues
- teen with complex trauma
- teenager
- thanksgiving
- the gift
- the truth about angry teen
- therapeutic parenting
- therapeutic power
- thoughts and feelings
- too stupid to live
- toxic stress
- transition into adulthood
- trauma and teenagers
- trauma brain
- trauma impacted teens
- trauma informed parenting
- trauma parent boundaries
- trauma recovery parenting
- trauma touched children
- trauma triggers
- trauma-informed parenting
- trauma-informed relationship
- traumatized children home alone
- trick or treat candy
- trust
- truth
- unmuted love
- valentine's day
- validate
- vip parent
- waiting
- watch your tone
- what is dissociation
- when nothing seems to work
- whisper
- wind
- wind of hope
- winter break dysregulation
- winter solstice
- wisdom for adoptive parents
- worldschooling
- wrong side of the bed
- yelling
- you are not alone
- young adult children
- your gratitude matters
- yule