Empathy Cools The Jets Of Anger

Dear Parent,

I am intimate with anger--my own.  My misunderstanding about the meaning of

behavior in the early years of parenting made my blood boil.  I really thought my kids' behavior was purposeful.  It felt that way to me.  Those were only my feelings though, not the facts of the matter.  The facts of the matter were more complex and required me to dig deeper into two things: 1) my own history, and 2) my children's history.  
I realized that the attachment and maltreatment trauma suffered in my childhood and the attachment  and maltreatment trauma suffered in my childrens’ early years transformed our normal brains into chemical turbine factories.  That knowledge helped me gain a better understanding of behavior, which increased my empathy for myself and for my children. 
Empathy significantly cools the jets of anger.
If you are overly familiar with anger in your relationship with your attachment challenged children, then it makes sense to up your empathy by understanding the impact of attachment and trauma on the brain's functions.  In traumatized humans, survival mode is chronic and pervasive until healed.                                                    
However, when you are swirling in a chemical spiral of emotion, it is pretty hard to see the fear at the center of the tornado.
Here are some behavioral symptoms of a traumatized brain which require you to up your empathy:
Emotional Out-bursting
Controlling
Inflexible Reacting
Demanding
Sneaking
Lying
Stealing
Hoarding
Arguing
Defending
Refusing Responsibility
Resisting Parental Authority
Defying Direction
Running Away
Distracting
Opposing
Freezing
Fleeing

Fighting
Fearing

Up your empathy.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.