Dissociation Is Real (Part 1 of 2)

Dear Parent,

When you see a blank stare in the eyes of your attachment challenged child as you are talking to her about her behavior, you are witnessing a scared child who is blocking the experience of feelings that are overwhelming.  

This is called dissociation, an enduring early coping mechanism that prevents maltreated children from experiencing physical and or emotional pain.  Long-term, automatic dissociation prevents the development of useful coping skills necessary to deal with ordinary life events, feeling and stressors.

Dissociation allows your child to separate thoughts from feelings, which is why she can talk about a situation, seemingly have no feelings about it, and even make a plan with you about how not to have it happen again.  When that situation arises in the future, your child will not be able to act on or even remember the new plan of action to follow.

If you get angry or punish because of this dissociation, you will be perpetuating it.  Your ability to stay present and therapeutic is priceless in the healing of your child.

Safety is the first goal of a therapeutic parent.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.