Denial Of The Traditional Kind

Jan 17, 2022

Dear Parent,

If a child has special needs from maltreatment, neglect or attachment breaches in the early years, continuing to use traditional parenting strategies is a harmful form of denial.

Most of us are imprinted with traditional parenting strategies from our own childhoods. They are powerfully compelling; however, we don’t have to act on them. We can resist and learn new, more healing ways.

was grocery shopping today when I heard the blood-curdling scream of a toddler just ahead. In that same moment I saw her distraught and seemingly dysregulated mother abruptly lift up the little girl and drop her harshly into the cart with nothing soothing to say.  I am certain this mom was exasperated and that this was likely done to the mother when she was a child. 

I've been there. It was probably done to me, though that is no reason to perpetuate it.

When a child cries, no matter the reason, s/he needs to be consoled:

I want to push the stroller.

I want candy.

I want to do it myself.

I don't want to blow my nose.

I don't want.

I just want.

I can't.

I won't.


Any of those, followed by a complete emotional breakdown is a bid for comfort, understanding, and regulation.  It really doesn't matter why the melt down. Soothing is the answer. 

A parent’s job before correction is to provide soothing.

Love matters,



P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.

Stay connected with news and updates!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.

Join our newsletter