Check Your Internal Teenager

Dear Parent,

All of my adult life I have lived with the legacy that was set in motion during my teen years—eye-rolling.  When I gave those dismissive eyes to my mother, it would send her over the edge.  She was a face slapper, and my eye-rolling was the trigger.  One might imagine this would have knocked the eye-rolling right off my face, but it didn't.  Instead, I have been cursed by facial-expression betrayal my entire adult life.  

Once I resigned a position just ahead of getting fired because my supervisor believed I was disrespectful and rude, partly because I frequently eye-rolled when she was speaking—darned facial-expression betrayal.  Funny thing: I was eye-rolling at a male colleague who was making “boob” jokes about this same supervisor during the same meetings.  I left without telling her so.  I  wouldn’t throw him under the bus and she probably wouldn’t have believed me anyway.
I say all of this to you in case you, too, are cursed with an inner teenager that pops out when you are responding to your attachment challenged child.  Your eye-rolling, which is a dismissive, non-verbal expression, will trigger feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing, and reactivity that lives just beneath the fragile surface of a child from difficult beginnings. When you make the mistake of letting your inner teenager out on your children, be the first one to apologize for being hurtful with your dismissive expression. 

Even if your child cannot verbalize appreciation for your humility, his or her internal self will feel soothed.  That's what it is all about, right?

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. To join a vibrant post-adoption parenting community, check out Love Matters Parenting Society. For an easy to read parent pick me up, get Ce's book, Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief For Adoptive Parents. And, did you know Ce has a new podcast? Yep, you can subscribe to it here: Unmuted Love With Ce Eshelman.