I love looking into my son's eyes, when he is looking back at me. I can see the love. It hasn't always been there. It is now.
I was given a puppy and found I could see love and tail wagging on a daily basis, something I could not find in the eyes of my children for the longest time.
There is one specific day I can remember, I was angry to the core. I asked myself why am I so freaking angry? I could not find the answer. I was just really emotionally tipped over by my 17-year-old child, who was completely oblivious to my ire.
I told him that I was grumpy, but he couldn't get out of my path fast enough, so I emotionally stung him and stomped off to bed. Maybe 10 minutes passed before he knocked on my bedroom door, "Mom, can I talk with you?"
He was so brave, that boy. He came into the semi-dark room and said, "Mom, I think you were mean to me." The tears flew from my eyes, as I told him he was right, "I was mean."
Oh my, he was more present than I was. I cannot tell you how sweet that was--a reciprocal relationship with my previously attachment challenged child. He called me on my crap. He sure did. And I was so delighted. One day, you will be, too.
Love changes brains. I realized that day that his brain was becoming reciprocal. There is nothing more wonderful than this experience. Even dog love doesn't compare. Imagine that!
Love grows over time even in the most difficult of situations. Keep your heart open to it.
P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.