Around It Goes
Aug 29, 2021
Dear Parent,
Lying, manipulating, hoarding, stealing, and sneaking are human survival behaviors that are hard-wired from early maltreatment, abuse, neglect and attachment panic. Felt safety is the cure, but it takes a long time to transform fear.
Shaming and punishing a survival behavior ensures that behavior will hang on longer. Shame and punishment create fear. Fear creates survival behavior. Survival behavior begets punishment and more shame. See how that goes?
Show mercy and understanding, while making sure the stolen booty is returned in person or worked off—restorative justice. That is doing what is right. Leave the shame behind.
Shame is never going to be the best solution.
Love matters,
Ce
P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.
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