Anxious Attachment (Part 1 of 2)

Dear Parent,

Highly anxious children often have an insecure strangle hold on you to the point that you cannot get any space, and dropping them off at camp, daycare, or Aunt Sara’s house is such an ordeal sometimes you would rather skip the fuss altogether.

Here are a few ideas to help:

• Fearful children can role play how they wish a situation will go, which can give a sense of control over the outcome of going to school or other places.
• Put pictures of smiling, loving parents in pockets.
• Give sunglasses and hoodies to help close out over-stimulating environments when you and your child are out and about.
• Put a picture of you by the bed to remind your child that you are there even when you are sleeping in a different room.
• Put a drop of your perfume or aftershave on your child’s wrist to smell for comfort when going to sleep in a separate bedroom or going somewhere without you.
• Teach deep breathing:  Blow out the scared feeling first, then fill the lungs with air and move it all the way into an extended round belly, hold it for a second at the top, then blow out again.  Do it again slowly.
• Help your child fast forward thinking when stuck in the scary part of a situation.  For example: Sally is going to get her tonsils out today.  She keeps thinking about the part when her tonsils are getting cut out. Yuck.  Have her fast forward like we do with the DVR remote to the part when it is all over and she is eating gobs of yummy ice cream and feeling so much better without those angry tonsils.

Developing felt safety is the end goal for every anxiously attached child.  Everything you do needs to be moving in that direction.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.