Fear: A Harsh Master (Part 2 of 4)

Dec 19, 2021

Dear Parent,

At least once a week a parent confesses to me they are worried they have a budding Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook school shooter, in their living room.   Adam was a disturbed young man whose family had tried to get him help for years prior to the Newtown tragedy and that is the point of what parents are telling me. They are trying to get their child help, nothing seems to work, and they fear the outcome will be tragic.

I know that portentous fear eerily well.  It has sliced me to the bone many times throughout my child raising years. When fear was my master, my parenting was over-controlling, reactive, and down right harsh.  Children always mirror parental emotion, rather than parental intention. My fear begot scared, angry, reactive behavior from my children. I could see the reflection of my fear in their eyes.

I know you are scared.  The antidote is love.  That is so touchy-feel-y, New Age-y, isn't it? It just happens to be true. When I wrestled my fear into submission and let go to love with a capital L, my children reflected that back to me. Faking love doesn't work, so I am not talking about pretending to be loving through gritted teeth. I am talking about surrendering fear and really finding in your heart the courage to love with an open heart. Your children can feel the difference, and in time that love will be the change you are looking for in them.

Be the way you want your children to be—that’s loving, right?

Love matters,



P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.

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