This Is What Survival Looks Like- Fight (Part 1 of 3)

Dear Parent,

Attachment panic can be as brutal for the attachment object (you) as it is for the person experiencing it (your attachment challenged child or spouse.)  Attachment panic can occur when an attachment challenged person is triggered by perceived deprivation or withdrawal of another's love. The cellular memory of early deprivation and loss causes a reaction of fight, flight or freeze.

This is fight:

• When your three-year-old says with conviction, "I hate you" or "I only love Daddy,” as you head out the door for work
• When your 11-year-old lofts a hefty F-bomb at you, as you lovingly cajole him up in the morning for school
• When your insecurely attached wife snidely quips how little she thinks of your love-making skill, as you pack for a 10-day business trip 

When these kinds of things fly out of the mouth of someone in attachment panic, there is a brutality to it, as sharp as claws on scared cats.  The words dig in, then drag across your heart, leaving a trail of painful imprints that fester for days before they fade away. Sometimes the scars last a long time after the painful event has been forgotten.

Try to step out of the way of attachment panicked words, they are not meant to drive you away, but rather to pull you in.  

Survival instincts are hardwired. That means auto pilot fight dog.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.