What is Self-Care?
Jun 05, 2025
Dear Parent,
Nothing wrong with a yoga session or a trip to the nail salon. Nothing at all, yet both are temporary fixes for a bigger issue and they do take time. Parents, why are you so exhausted? Is it really that your child is relentless or that you are stressed and fearing getting called from school or daycare or camp?
Do yourself a favor and list all the things contributing to your special brand of tired-to-the-bone. Now, take a look again at your list. What would fall off of it if you had better boundaries? You may never have realized that self-care is truly all about having clear boundaries.
A boundary is knowing how to thoughtfully say yes. When you can thoughtfully say yes, then you can say no more often. What goes hand in hand with having boundaries is knowing when your energy cup is getting full, so that setting a boundary is required. Afterall, there is only so much time, space, and energy in a single cup.
Here are a few ways you can begin to think differently about self-care.
Start here. Consider yourself first, rather than last. Be a stronger critical thinker. Learn one or two simple self-care phases, “Let me think about it and I’ll let you know” or “I’m being more protective of my time right now, so I need to pass.” Then, learn to ride the waves of whatever uncomfortable twinges of feeling you have or negative thoughts. You know, the ones like she’s going to hate me or not be my friend anymore. Or the "I’m selfish" thoughts or projected judgements of other. Then, of course, the guilt. In about two minutes (literally) the feelings will subside, and you will have to use discipline to thought-stop your mental critical inner voice. You deserve to be able to say no and your time belongs to you, not everyone else.
Here is another example. Discuss the burden of who is doing the transport if you and your partner are talking about sending your child to ballet 15 miles away from home 2x per week. Those trips will add about 4 extra hours to your weekly to do list. Do you have that time in your week now? What would have to change for you to contribute those 4 hours to ballet? Or what about this: Who can you ask to help with this transport, so your child can dance and you can carry on with other things already on your plate?
While giving is receiving, sometimes giving is too much and takes from your finite amount of energy. Volunteering for this or a different “that” may not be in your cards right now, so learning a simple phase or two like, “I’m sorry; I don’t have the time to fit that in right now.” And when you get the persistent, “It will only be about two hours a month, so can’t you squeeze it in?” You can say, “Yes, I might be able to… And, I really don’t want to be stretched even more than I already am. I wish I could contribute but not right now. Thank you for asking.” Boom, done!
Do you think about yourself enough in your life? Does guilt rule your roost? Do you wrestle with co-dependence with family members or neighbors whose requests feel more like demands or "have-tos"? Do you surrender to badgering just to quiet the noise when it doesn't serve your greater good? Be sure to answer those questions before ending this read. Your self-care may depend on it.
Self-care is all about boundaries. Time to evaluate your commitment to your boundaries so you live a less tired and burdened life.
Love Matters,
️Ce
Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.
Want to overcome your child's destructive behavior? Follow this link to find out how you can join the Love Matters Parenting Society today: http://start.lovemattersparenting.com/guide
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