Summertime To-Do List

Dear Parent,

While many parents feel the freedom from school routines a welcome relief for their child and themselves, many parents with challenging parent/child relationships find themselves near panic with the prospect of keeping children on track without the structure of school.

Here are a few ideas that may help get you through the school breaks:

• Stay cool, literally. In the summer go swimming often.  Keep the house cool and quiet.  Turn on a fan, even if you have A/C blasting.  The whir of the motor can be calming; though, let me be the first to say, for some the whir is agitating.  Nothing works for everyone.
• Stay cool, emotionally.  Take breaks.  Give your kids breaks. Give the kids a lot of permission to take walks, go to the park, talk on the phone, play video games, go over to friend’s homes, eat snacks often, ride bikes, walk the dog.  Attachment challenged families need freedom and fun, too. Be the good guy for a change.
• That said, hold structure for the daily routines of living.  Get up at a reasonable time, but not too early. Brush teeth and hair on kid time.  Require showers and make beds.  Get out of jammies and dressed before the sun sets.  Do regular chores.  Try to do as much of this on kid time as you can.  The relief from living with a drill sergeant might surprise your whole family.
• Privileges may be hard for your child to earn during school breaks, because privileges are often hard for your child to earn in any season.  Be generous, and give frequent privileges to lift the mood.  There isn’t anything more awful than being stuck indoors during the summer with a sullen, grounded teenager. Give privileges that aren’t earned sometimes.  This can go a long way toward mending a frazzled relationship.
• Play simple games and don’t follow the rules or keep score: like Frisbee, croquet, backyard putting, Twister, Guitar Hero, Go Fish, Yahtzee, or dance with wild abandon to loud, horrible kid adored tunes.  Have fun!
• Be forgiving whenever possible.  Holding a grudge or hurt feelings makes us sick, physically and psychically.  Forgiveness is the byproduct of love.  Love is free: so spread it around.
• Ask friends and relatives to spell you with child-care weekends or tag along trips to the zoo or the pool or the park.  Most people with securely attached children, won’t mind an occasional extra body on an outing.  Likewise, sometimes an extra kid along with you on an outing can take the pressure off being the center of your child’s universe. 

I know these ideas can be simplistic and worn when your nerves are frazzled.  I wish I had a magic wand, so I could make every day carefree and light for you.    

Just a little reminder, carefree and light are attitudes. 

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Are you pulling your hair out trying to figure out the best way to parent your child from difficult beginnings? Get some real support here: The Love Matters Parenting Society. Honestly, you probably need this.

P.S.S. You can also grab a copy of Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by yours truly. Parents really appreciate this bite-sized, inspiration.