How to Survive Halloween (From Other Parents Who Get It)

Dear Parent,

Halloween can be a day full of triggers for those children who've been impacted by trauma. There are a lot of transitions and tons of sugar. All of the colors and sounds, like fog machines, Halloween lights, and scary, scary costumes, can create stimuli overload, and we often come in contact with more strangers than on a typical day.

All of these things can be a trigger for a child of trauma. Triggers can send them right to survival, and once in survival, they often go to FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE. This is not a place we want to send our children to. We want them to feel safe and secure to enjoy this holiday with their peers.

One way to ease some of your child's fear around the holiday is to allow them to help in the Halloween preparations, such as carving the pumpkins or picking out the goodies. Try to frontload with your child ahead of time to help put their minds at ease. Allow children to take their costumes on and off in the weeks/days leading up to Halloween.

This will help make the elements surrounding Halloween more understandable and help them understand that costumes are another way of pretending and that the holiday is meant to be fun.
Are there tricks that have worked for you in helping your child feel safe during Halloween? Share, won’t you? Below are posts from years past. Good ideas should never be lost, right?


"Our dog has been dressed like a cow off an on for 3 weeks. The kids made haunted houses yesterday in their rooms and were inviting each other in to scare each other. 'No! You’re supposed to play the creepy music BEFORE I go in! Alexa! Play creepy, scary Halloween sounds.'"

"Okay, we've been fine-tuning it for a few years now: Lots of protein and veggies for the pre-fun supper. Small buckets (same ones since they were toddlers); rule is when buckets are full, we go home. So it's typically 30-40 min; not a ton of candy. Less is more for our kids. We also usually do a Halloween decoration drive a couple of nights before for "fun" but also to map out the places with decorations that are too scary or hit specific fears (10 has always been terrified of spiders). Come home, spill the buckets, sort, trade, eat a lot. Then the usual bedtime routine. We used to "buy" the leftover candy the next morning and let them pick out a toy/book from a store in exchange for the candy. But they're older now and want to keep the candy. We actually let them finish it over the next two or three days so it's done...it's a few days of too much junk versus weeks of battling over 'it's my candy, why can't I eat it when I want?!'...hence the very small buckets. 10 is at that age where he now knows that other kids go out with pillowcases or huge tote bags; or the family wagon and they all empty their bags into the wagon and start filling again, so he feels hard-done-by...'different parents, different rules buddy, sorry.'"

"Halloween at my house was wild and fun and over in one day. We dressed up early, just before dark, we set out: parents trailed behind and allowed them to run ahead. They got a ton of stuff that they were not supposed to eat before we got home. That didn't work. Eventually, we had them bring their bags back to us mid stroll so we could select safe candy to slam, then off again. They were wound up like crazy and wanted to stop after two-three blocks nearly every year until they were 13. After 13, I let them go by themselves. They came home early every single time. Poured the candy on the floor and traded. I let them eat what they wanted that night. One year there was some throwing up. The next day they could eat what they wanted and then we donated the rest to a DV shelter (like DV shelters really need candy, but hey I tried). They really loved the extravagant dress up/make-up, so that is where we put all our energy. My daughter always wanted to be a kitty (and it had a lot of sexy overtones). I let her. She didn't look that sexy."

"We bought minimalist costumes (more props and makeup than costume) about a month ago and they’ve been getting good use out of it. No countdown to the big day to wait to use it. This year was a bit more crazy because our daughter signed up to do a scarecrow AND a room in the school’s haunted house. Uhm, it looks like Halloween threw up in my rec room. We’ll have the cousins and close friends over for trick-or-treating. The older kids help the younger kids and the parents trail behind to make sure that Poseidon doesn’t fight with the dead zombie cat girl (sometimes the costumes are very…creative) and no one runs in traffic.
P.S. Halloween candy is like currency in this house. Our son stockpiles it and then offers it to his sibling when he wants something or wants to make-up after an argument. He doesn’t like sweets too much, so he’s fine giving it away."

"You all are so good!! Based on your responses, apparently, I am very controlling. On Halloween, I let her eat 5 candies of choice or 2 big candies, because some people give out full on candy bars, and who knows how much she and her friends ate along the way. Then the rest goes in my room and each day she can pick out 3 to have in her lunch OR 3 to enjoy after dinner. I also throw away 3 (or more) every day/ enjoy a few of my favorites. She doesn’t pay that close attention but sees the pile dwindling, so after about a week, all the candy is gone."

"We just don't go trick or treating since eating candy with artificial colors, flavors, and too much sugar just make for dysregulation that lasts for hours and hours from candy, costumes and the decorations, and then they can't sleep. I buy some "safe" candy, and it's enough for one night, and then it's gone. We watch the Peanuts Halloween Special, and that's about it. We've been avoiding the driving around this year and the dysregulation associated with Halloween decorations has been better this year. In the past, starting when the decorations started going up in September, into early November when the decorations came down, was crazy train in our home since our older boy was put in front of the TV as a babysitter and both parents watched horror movies as an infant and toddler. So it's been tricky to maneuver with this seared on his brain."

Love Matters,

Ce

Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.

Want to overcome your child's destructive behavior? Follow this link to find out how you can join the Love Matters Parenting Society today: http://start.lovemattersparenting.com/guide