Dissociation Is Real (Part 2 of 2)

Dear Parent,

Complex trauma due to early abuses--emotional, neglect, physical violence and sexual assault results in our children dissociating.   Dissociation interferes with a child's normal development to care about one's own feelings, needs, and desires and care about other's feelings, needs, and desires at the same time.  

One of the more difficult experiences to manage over time for a parent of children with attachment challenges is that they appear to have no reciprocity. They are either all about how they feel with no regard for the feelings of others, or they are hyper-sensitive to the feelings of others without regard to their own. As a parent, the former is the usual experience; however, neither side of this pendulum works well.

To be a successful family member or friend, a person has to be able to hold the interests and feelings of both parties in order to make plans and decisions necessary in everyday life. Our job, as therapeutic parents, is to take the time to teach our children to tolerate their own feelings, while considering the feelings of others.  

It goes like this:  Stop. Think. Feel. Ask others how they think and feel. Share together. Make a plan. Keep it.  Patiently repeat a thousand times.  

Take pride in changing a little wounded brain every day.  You are doing that. We all have to intentionally work on developing emotional reciprocity with our attachment challenged children. It won't develop otherwise.

Slow down and take little steps toward safety and the extinction of dissociation.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Check out the Love Matters Parenting Society membership for more support.