Compassion Heals

Dear Parent,

Change your mind to up your compassion. The only way to parent attachment challenged children effectively is to see them clearly as little children with brains and bodies that have been severely impacted by difficult beginnings—birth traumas, maltreatment, abuses and attachment breaches.  

After that, you have to edit your own thinking about what you are seeing when you parent them every day.

This is what I mean: 

Behavior:        Child pushes your hugs away.

Thinking:        Child is controlling, unloving, rejecting.

Re-Think:        Child is afraid of being vulnerable and self protects habitually by

pushing people away. Child may have tactile defensiveness.

Behavior:         Child spills something every day.         

Thinking:         Child is clumsy, stupid, never pays attention, or must

                         be doing this on purpose to annoy me.

Re-Think:         Child 's proprioceptive senses are

                         challenged and need rehabilitation.

Behavior:          Child steals things repeatedly.             

Thinking:          Child is a thief, untrustworthy, embarrassing, morally

                          corrupt, and bound for prison.

Re-Think           Child has deprivation imprints, combined with

                          impulsivity.

Behavior:          Child lies nonsensically.                        

Thinking:          Child is a hopeless liar, bad seed, criminal,

                          antisocial, devious.

Re-Think:          Child is hurting and in survival mode most of the time: scared to

                          be caught or wrong, feels in-trouble, or bad (the

                          way it feels on the inside.)

Our compassion rises when we tell ourselves the truth about our children who have been harmed by adults early in their lives or by the circumstances of difficult biological beginnings--challenging pregnancy, neonatal stress, surgery, birth trauma, prematurity, NICU stay, parental absence, illness or postpartum depression.

High Parental Compassion = Parenting with Heart.  Something our children desperately need in order to heal.

Love matters,

Ce

P.S. Are you pulling your hair out trying to figure out the best way to parent your child from difficult beginnings? Get some real support here: The Love Matters Parenting Society. Honestly, you probably need this.

P.S.S. You can also grab a copy of Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by yours truly. Parents really appreciate this bite-sized, inspiration.