Attunement Is Golden
Aug 25, 2025
Dear Parent,
In most cases your child's voice was snuffed out before they could even talk. Whether you first
met your child in the hospital at birth or sometime down the development road, this sentiment
applies. When their cries for connection, soothing, sustenance, and safety from their biological
parent went unmet, their individual voices were, effectively, not heard. Over and over, our
children’s brains were hardwired to believe they were unimportant, unloved, unwanted, and not
good enough—because they were not seen or heard in the deep, attuned way every human brain
and body needs to thrive. Now, they come into your home with enormous needs—to be truly
seen and heard—yet with few well-developed skills for asking in ways that draw you near to
listen.
Has your loving "attunement" been hijacked by your child's lagging skill to communicate
effectively? Is your parent/child life filled with constant chatter, nonsensical questions, swearing,
spitting, throwing things, and/or hitting? Is your child’s life echoing with the sounds of your
frustration, anger, disappointment—your corrections, demands, yelling, power struggles, or even
slaps—when your emotional lid is so flipped you can’t think to do anything different than what
was done to you?
What you are living with is a child who feels unseen, unheard, unwanted, unloved, and unmet
with loving attunement. That is hardwired. What they need are better skills, but they can't learn
those until you first give your own loving attunement repetitively until their healing begins. I say
repetitively because we parents can become weary and compassion-blocked when we are faced
with our child's lagging skills.
Sometimes we take those things so personally that we become blocked in our attunement—and
yet, attunement every day is the salve their nervous systems are aching for. And the skills they
need most? You don’t teach them with words. You show your child—by being toward them the
way you long for them to be toward you.
Love Matters,
Ce
Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found only in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program.
Want to overcome your child's destructive behavior? Follow this link to find out how you can join the Love Matters Parenting Society today: http://start.lovemattersparenting.com/guide
📖 Get your copy of Drowning with My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents by Ce Eshelman
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🎧 Listen to my podcast: Unmuted Love with Ce Eshelman at your favorite place to listen.
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